Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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