Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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