I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
