so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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