I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
