Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
