He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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