paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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