I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
