Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
