why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
