Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
