Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
