maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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