so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
