I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
