So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
