He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
