I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
