Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
the liver wants what the liver wants
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
