I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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