the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
