haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
