If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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