its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
