He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She's the barista slut.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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