last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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