yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I've blown a few things in my day
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
