I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The air was thick with penises
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
