What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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