Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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