Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
