if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
