I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
