The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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