Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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