so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
