he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
