So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
