Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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