Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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