The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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