YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So many bounce houses so little time
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
