i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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