My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
