Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
