guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
