Actions speak louder than pants.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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