remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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