Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
