Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
