For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
