Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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