Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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