I swear she didn't look like that last week.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
