You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
