He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
