How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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