I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
