What a fucking waste of an outfit
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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